I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize