Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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