Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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