My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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