What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
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Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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