They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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