a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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