There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my phone needs a breathalizer
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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