i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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