note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize