he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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