i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
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There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
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Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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