420 ftw
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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