Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize