I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize