My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
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DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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