You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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