omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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