why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
