also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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