Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize