ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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