his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can I color on your dick again?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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