I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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