good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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