everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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