She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
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She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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