Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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