He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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