apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize