i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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