i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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