my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize