youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I enjoy the company of your penis
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