your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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