I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize