so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize