i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize