ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
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He had one of those small greek statue penises
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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