Me too!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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