got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize