What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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