Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize