I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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