I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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