it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
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And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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