Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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