you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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