I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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