if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize