i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
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Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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