somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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